Hi, My Name is Dave and I Was a Pothead

by Dave

Most teens don’t believe that marijuana can be addictive – but Dave W. has experienced otherwise. Trying pot in high school soon led to an addiction that was ruining his life. He was smoking multiple times a day, buying and selling it to his friends and rapidly losing his parents trust. In the following interview with The Partnership, Dave tells us why marijuana isn’t just a harmless plant.

Where did you grow up? What was your childhood like?

I grew up in Monroe, New York, which is about an hour northwest of New York City. I was born in Israel, lived there for six months and then moved to Florida, NY. We moved to Monroe when I was in seventh grade – now I consider it my hometown. Monroe has been developed a lot – it’s not a quiet, small town that you would associate with upstate New York – but still not a city either.I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents are still married – if anything they were a little overbearing and protective of me. I was never too outwardly social – only had a couple friends at any given time. I was a little shy; I kept to myself and was quiet.

When did you first try pot?I smoked pot for the first time the summer after my sophomore year of high school. It was a family friend’s birthday party and he had a bunch of guys over. I knew ahead of time they were going to be smoking pot there. It wasn’t a peer pressure situation, but I had made up my mind beforehand that I wanted to try it. I hadn’t done any other drugs or alcohol before that – maybe a sip of my parent’s beer at dinner – but nothing serious.

Why did you try it?

I think I was just looking for a new experience. I had heard about it, but didn’t have too many friends who were doing it. It wasn’t necessarily the cool thing to do – I guess it was mostly out of curiosity and for something new to try.

I don’t think I got high by the drugs – but I got high on the atmosphere around it. I got high on the acceptance. Acceptance was a big part of my using.

How often did you smoke? What kind of effects did it have on your physical and mental well-being?

I started using a couple times a month – spread out sporadically. I was mostly just smoking my friends’ pot and being a mooch. I was in a youth group – and about half of us got high one night together. We got caught and were kicked out of the group. My mother went ballistic – she grounded me and took away my driving privileges. She wanted to send me to rehab right then and there. She made me see a therapist – which I hated. I didn’t think I needed to be there. After this, my parents told me that if they caught me again, they were going to send me to rehab. It was a painful situation. I stopped smoking after that until the summer before college.

I wasn’t getting high or going to parties – I was essentially absent from that scene for a year and a half. It wasn’t a big deal for me then. I thought I could wait until college to do what I wanted.

I finally started college at Columbia University in New York City. On the first day, I got high with a new friend on my floor. After this, I got high every day that week. Again, acceptance was a big thing. I had made up my mind before I went to school that I was going to find the party scene, because it would be a great way to meet friends in college. At the time, I had a mindset to leave with a degree, not an education. I thought I wasn’t going to smoke every day – just on the weekends for fun. I dabbled in drinking, but definitely did more smoking than anything else.

Throughout the semester, I started getting high multiple times a day. It used to take me a few hits to get high but then it started taking bowls to get high – I built up a tolerance.

How did you get it?

I would definitely buy my own stuff with my own money. I used on a daily basis, so the drugs would run out. It was a cycle – smoke my drugs, go back to the ATM, spend more money on drugs, and the drugs run out and I need to replenish my stash.

At this time, I also started pledging a fraternity. I had seen that as part of the party life I was looking for. It was another group of people I could become close with, it was more connections to people and therefore connections to dealers. I saw a frat as people to get high with and people to party with.

Why were you so interested in partying?

I wanted my life to be a party. Why? Why not — parties are more fun. It became routine for me: Let’s smoke to make anything more fun. I used any and every excuse I could think of. There’s a movie showing in the student center? Let’s get high beforehand. Wanna go downtown? Let’s get high before we get on the train. A TV show is coming on – let’s get high. Bored? Let’s get high and get the munchies. I got high because I thought it would enhance everything.

When did you start dealing?

When the spring semester rolled around I started to deal drugs. I had gotten a connection to an NYU student through my fraternity. Everyone was too lazy to go downtown by themselves, so I took that challenge on. I started to become a drug dealer – this time to make money. Why not smoke for free and eat too? This lasted through the entire semester. People knew they could buy drugs from me. I would pick up a quarter pound of weed a week.

How did all this affect you?

I started to do worse and worse in school – I didn’t care. I got a 2.4 my first semester – my parents weren’t thrilled, but I shook it off and didn’t really think about it. I thought that as long as I did halfway decent and left school with a diploma, I was fine. I could get high all the time and do less work than my peers and still pass. I wasn’t doing homework, I was sleeping through classes, pushing off work till the last minute. It was always hanging over my head – so I just got high again and again so that I wouldn’t think about it. School work was pushed aside so that I could go downtown at one in the morning to Alphabet City to pick up more drugs.

I was starting to become reckless as well. I used to drive high all the time – I thought I was a better driver because I was high. I had all these stupid rationalizations so I could keep using. I was clearly putting myself and others at risk. I could’ve gotten pulled over, gotten a DUI that would’ve stayed on my record forever. I didn’t think about these consequences at the time.

During summer break, I got high with some friends at home. I thought I could find a job – but had no motivation to do that. I was at home, I was high and dazed, sitting on the sofa – basically in a trance. I was still pretty much smoking daily when I was home and around my family.

When did you realize that you had a problem?

Three weeks into my summer, I stopped at home and my parents and on their way out – they asked me to be home at five that night. I was a little suspicious but didn’t think much of it.

That night they confronted me. They knew I was using and dealing and they wanted me to stop. They made arrangements for me to go to rehab the next day — they had even taken away my car keys.

I was keeping my drugs in the trunk of my car – I had just gone to the city a few days earlier to pick up some drugs, so I had a couple bags and paraphernalia in my trunk. I was driving around all summer with “Intent to Sell” as my bumper sticker.

I was very angry with my parents and I thought they were being absurd. I didn’t think I had a problem and I didn’t think I needed treatment. I thought “those places” were just for cokeheads. I just smoked a lot of pot – I didn’t belong in rehab.

I was 18 at the time, so I actually had to sign myself into the place. My parents said, “Either you go to rehab or you find another place to live and another way to pay your college tuition.” I took one extra day to think about it. I considered living with friends, but I had the better sense in me to realize I didn’t have any decent alternatives. I knew school was important – I didn’t want to live on the street and get a bad job working crappy hours the rest of my life.

June 4, 2005 was my first day clean.

What was your treatment like?

My parents made arrangements for me to go to the Caron Foundation in Pennsylvania. One of the guys I used to use with told me take a journal with me. “Who knows,” he said. “You might meet some crazy characters.” I had decided that I would go to treatment with an open mind so I could learn something about myself.

I knew it was a good place, and they had a lot of resources I could use. I could either be whiny the whole time – or try to make the best of it. I also thought that I might be the only pothead there – everyone else would be doing hard drugs. I was embarrassed that it was my drug – but I realized that there were other kids like me there that had basically just used pot. It helped me to meet people that were kind of like me.

When was it in your treatment that it clicked for you that you needed to stop smoking pot?

They had a guest speaker come in — a kid who had been there the year before me. I sat and listened and realized that this kid’s story was just like mine, but up to a point. He too had gotten treatment – but he kept using and his life spiraled out of control. He eventually wound up out in the middle of the winter, alone, hopeless and depressed, laying in the snow with no place to go. That really resonated with me. I thought “Wow, if there’s a chance that could happen to me – I don’t want that for my life. I want a future.”

I realized I needed to take my recovery more seriously. I decided I would listen more, look at the readings more. A few days off the drugs, I felt it in my body. I started to realize that I was addicted, and I didn’t want to end up a junkie. I knew I needed help and wanted to live a better life.

Do kids make fun of you for your addiction?

At first, I got a little slack for it. Some of my friends thought it was b.s. — that you don’t need to go into treatment for pot. Through my rehab though, I was told that they will “get you high before you get them clean” and you should stay away from your old lifestyle because it will lead you back.

Is it difficult to abstain from using pot in a college atmosphere?

It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I tried to go to a few parties last year. I told myself that I would go to meet girls and not to do drugs, but that didn’t really work for me – I couldn’t really enjoy myself in that setting. I’m not going to my frat parties this year. Through my recovery meetings I meet people, so I spend time with them. It’s good to have a support group. I moved back into my frat, and I spent a lot of time in my room and was a little anti-social, but started to hang out with other kids in my house who I hadn’t used with. And then there’s this other little thing called “school” that I had overlooked in the past and had to get back into.

What are you up to now?

I’m a junior at Columbia studying Civil Engineering and Construction Management. Over the summer, I worked at an engineering company designing subdivisions and lived at home with my family. I made some good money and attended a meeting on a daily basis. I spend a bunch of time with my friends from the meetings at Road Recovery. I’m a member of “Crazy James,” a band from the Road Recovery organization. We perform around New York City and had some recording sessions at The Lodge, which is the cream of the crop for recording artists.

I’m very open with my parents because I have nothing to hide anymore – whether its drugs or anything else. I certainly have peace of mind today. I’m comfortable in my own skin – wherever I’m at. I have so many more opportunities and clarity and better and more reliable friends now than I ever had when I was using drugs.

What would you tell others who think they might have a problem with marijuana?

If you think you have a problem, ask yourself this: “Does my use of drugs cause negative consequences in my life?” If the answer is yes – whether it be from your mother yelling at you, to not being able to get up on time, you may have a problem. At least keep an open mind – ask for help and try to find resources. Most of all – attend a meeting. Go online, find NA or AA and go. There is a better way to live